a million tear-drops....

I see it ever so often, esp in ICU......

patient dies.....

the family gathers around......

shedding tears.....

a million of them.....

it's like a grand send-off.....

but yet, they are imploring that the dear & beloved remains a tad longer....

but the ECG doesn't lie.....

people show emotions in different ways & in varying degrees.....

when my father passed away, i just shed a tear......

maybe two......

now, it makes me wonder how many drops of tears will flow for me.....

if any.

what goes around, comes around....

when you give love...........

you get a return a hundredfold more!

1978 - kathleen & helen

i actually kept this diary, amongst many others, all these years, recording everyday events in those formative years. as I flipped thru the pages, a flood of wonderful memories was relived in my mind - of teenage angst & emotions.

Kathleen was the quintessential girl-next-door. well actually, in the next taman but she might as well be next door because in the months after 6th form, we spent a lot to time together. she was a year younger & preparing for 6th form, so I helped her out a lot. her family more or less accepted that i'm a regular fixture in her life & I just went with the flow. we talked of everything except THAT.

I knew she was planning to go to Taylor's in KL & then to Canada thereafter for further studies. what I didn't anticipate was when she appeared unexpectedly at my place one day to tell me that she's off to Canada. I wasn't at home - those days, even a fixed-line phone was considered a luxury of sorts. so, she wrote me this brief note.....

 

we wrote to each other for a while but eventually lost contact. so, even as I read thru these events of 1978, I do wonder what became of her. is she still in Toronto? did she marry the tall, dark handsome guy of her dreams? many years later, i went to her old house but the whole family has moved. much as I missed her, someone else came into my life that year - & made an immediate impact - in the most unlikely of places.

 

I met Helen in church but that's another story for another post.

when "positive" is not positive news....

HIV positive...

HBsAg positive.....

TPHA positive......

RF positive....

ANA positive.......

CA 125 positive.....

AFP positive......

positively NOT positive news.....

what God gives, He takes.

the boy celebrated his 11th birthday on friday (actual date today). i know for sure he likes nothing better than to have his clique to share with. this group grew up together in the same neighbourhood, attends the same church & goes to the same school. presumably they'll be BFFs in due time.

coincidentally, the obstetricians listed 4 patients for C-section today. my thoughts went to the boy because these babies will share the same birthday with him. although all four were successfully delivered, one inexplicably suffered a respiratory problem soon after birth & eventually succumbed. imagine - one moment the kid was crying the lungs out & then suddenly, the breathing stopped. one moment, there was life & the next, there was none.

it did put a damper on my day but some things are just beyond human comprehension.

to the 3 lovely babies borned today, I wish you well & pray you'd grow up to be useful citizens & make your parents proud.

to the 4th, may your soul rest in peace for you are in a better place now. amen.

UBAH?

 

and i'm pleased he's looking forward to GE15 (in 2023?)......he too wants to make a change.

we agree!

for once, Mr PM, we agree.............

 

but will you graciously embrace it???

how to please the auntie....

i was talking to this 76-yr-old lady & her family before surgery & as I asked her to sign the consent form, she confessed that she can't write well because she's uneducated.

without thinking, i just replied that she's already has many children & grandchildren, & being surrounded by her loved ones is the happiest moment in one's life.

she thanked me profusely for saying that & that's when i learned that a little common courtesy can go a long way....

falling like flies.....

last week, Dr T, whom I remember fondly as a lecturer in med school & who had kindly excised a lump on my forearm when I was a student, passed on after a prolong illness that was refractory to even the strongest antibiotics.....

this week, Dr B ingested weed killer & succumbed to its effects.....

this morning, my colleague Dr K suddenly passed on from a longstanding tumour....

people say doctors play God with the lives of others but i'd like to reassure everyone that nobody, least of all medics, can ever defy the laws of nature. with medical advances, we can stave off severe infections, bouts of depression or cancers but for a brief moment, in a feeble attempt to prolong our stay on earth but it's a matter of time before we meet the Creator.

the Wise Man said:

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die.

 

rest in peace, my brothers.

 

 

change of heart?

already in her 4th year of study in The Little Red Dot, the girl has always been lamenting about having to study extra hard - her own  perception as she compared with her ex-classmates who are doing A-levels or matriculation back home.

i do sympathise with her but that's the way it goes down south. it has always been cooker-pressure type of environment in school as the neighbour continues to strive to be the best there is. so, i've always reassured her that once she's finished this year, i'll let her choose the varsity where she intends to pursue higher studies.

her inclination so far has been either to australia or UK. so, it came as a surprise to me when i received this sms:

WHAT??

she wants to go thru all that perceived torture for undergrad studies? for a further FOUR years, at least?

this is my reply:

i have always suspected that there's a guy involved everytime she does something totally out of her own character, although so far, she has denied it each time.

ah, puppy love & crushes & all things nice.....

(sigh!)

the girl has much to learn.....!

note:
* a = grade A
* pw = project work, a requirement for entry into varsity.

getting away with murder.

i meant this figuratively.

you know, like how some drivers behave recklessly behind the wheel & yet are not involved in accidents, which is unlikely.....

like how people continue to loot but are never caught, which is happening.....

or, like how some people indiscriminately eat all & sundry, yet are not over-weight or have normal cholesterol level, & i know one such person......

like this 70-yr-old guy who has been smoking 6 packs of cigarettes (120 sticks!!) a day for over FORTY YEARS (!!)& looks fit as a fiddle!!

except for a small area of the lower left lung which was infected, he was none the worse for it. the surgical procedure went thru smoothly.

no one knows why there are people who don't smoke but get lung cancer, yet this fortunate man who smokes like a chimney is living past 7 decades.

to me, i thought that's LIKE getting away with murder ....but i suppose there are also people who actually commit murder & actually get away with it.....!!

the day after.....

knives were wielded & the face-off was tense. however, the arrogant but unprepared backed off in time. bloodshed has been avoided but still, there were heavy casualties on one side.

naturally, an expected outcome when one held 7 knives while his comrade, 12. the losing side came unarmed & therefore suffered ignominy.

is this a military uprising?

or, political manoeuvring?


nah.....it's only a doctors' annual general meeting.

note: knife = proxy

when it's not good to be a nurse....

the firemen have it.....

the postmen have it.....

so, it defies belief that nurses & staff employed at a private medical centre do not have medical insurance coverage.

the admin people go around begging requesting doctors to give generous discounts when the staff seek medical consultation & procedures, while the hospital impose their own charges with impunity. previously, all were covered under a group insurance plan.

& to think this is a public listed company......

what cheapskate employers!!

when kids grow up......

 

 

 

that's why kids are so endearing....they ask for permission first. but now it makes me wonder - at which stage of growing up did they lose the plot?????

hand of God

this term was made (in)famous when diego maradona was asked how he score the goal against england in a world cup semi-final match in 1986. he said : "......a little with the head of Maradona and a little with the hand of God".  argentina knocked out england & went on to win the world cup.

i have formed my own ideas about what the real hand of God would look like, eg. hands that pray, comfort or heal. and, it was rather timely that this patient reminded me, esp in the coming easter season, that God's hands were also nailed to the cross.

this workman had been careless while hammering but i still can't believe this could actually happened. the offending nail was promptly removed with local anaesthesia & he was discharged the next day.

however, this image will always be etched in my mind, & i will be reminded every time easter comes along.

a picture is worth a thousand words.

 

 

finally....peace in the Galaxy

Yoda and a stormtrooper settle their differences.......

 

 

 

.......well almost!

*thanks, AB, for the image*

sound advice

you know who they send to make the sales pitch?

i was just browsing around a property launch today & this lady attended to me. she has a chest like mariah carey's, legs up to her neck, a most disarming smile, the personality of a TV show host AND a law degree to match.

i'm extremely glad i took A's advice & left the cheque book at home.

God loves me

this was a 16-yr-old cyclist who was hit by a car. he knocked into a sign-post & complained of abdominal pain. he was seen at the district hospital, was told no serious injury was evident & was subsequently discharged.

as the abdominal pain persisted, he came today & i happened to be on-call. A CT scan of the abdomen (not done in the previous hospital) showed abnormal air collection. this is diagnostic of a rupture of a bowel.

during surgery, a part of the small bowel was found to be crushed & air was leaking from it. this portion was resected & the bowel rejoined.

he should have complete recovery from the injury.

i remember years ago when i attempted pole vaulting in the garden at home. i was about 11 or 12 then. i had used a bamboo stick, normally for drying clothes, as the pole. as i got off the ground, the bamboo broke & i fell face down from a height of about 3 feet. the pain on the chest & abdomen was excruciating. in the end, it went away without further consequences.

as i recalled that fall, now armed with knowledge of the possible injuries, eg. rib fractures, punctured lungs, ruptured internal organs, etc. i realised how close i was to a serious condition. both my parents weren't at home - only my kid brother.

it was divine protection - i can't think of anything else.

and i never attempted pole vaulting again.

the dentist is IN

fathers want their kids to look up to them, esp sons. it's a sure ego-booster.

and, i'm no different.

my son looks to me to solve his maths problem, heal his body aches & talk football.

apparently, i'm also his dentist.

each time he has a loose tooth, he'd ask me to pull it out for him. i learned this from pulling my own teeth (after they had become loose) when i was young but he's just too scared to do it himself.

maybe i should start charging him a fee, now that he's flushed with ang-pow money.

you reap what you sow....

 

 

 

enjoy your meal.....!!

some people think they rule the world....

all resident doctors in the hospital have their personal car park slots, as do the doctors of most other public & private hospitals. this helps when we need to see patients in a hurry, eg. for emergencies.

even if they don't have a named parking slot, they will at least be alloted a specific common space for this purpose.

for most of us who are used to this privilege, it irritates us no end when we find someone else parked in our slots. most times, the culprits are visitors or patients themselves, esp during peak hours.

so, you know how i felt when this happened to me today. the car was an A-class mercs with a 3 digit plate number & an insignia that proclaimed it's owner social importance. so instead of scratching it & puncturing the tyres  i informed the security guard of my predicament but before he could clamp the wheels, the owner had appeared. i was parking at the visiting doctors' space so i did not witness the argument that took place between the offender & the guard.

apparently, as the guard later related, the owner was a doctor from another private hospital. when informed that the slot was for the hospital doctors only, she retorted that she is a doctor as well & has every right to park. it must be her 1st time because, had she bothered to ask, the guard would have shown her the visiting doctors' slots.

i guess with some goodwill on her part & an apology to boot, none of that aggravation would have taken place. as it is, it just reinforces the perception that people in high position just like to push their weight around.

pro bono

it's an unspoken law  rule understanding amongst doctors that we do not charge fees on our colleagues who come under our care.

this includes colleagues we don't even know personally, eg. those from private clinics or govt hospitals. however, if they have insurance cover for their hospitalisation, then we charge as we would for anyone else.

today, the lunar new year has come early for me. a colleague from the govt hospital who had a procedure done last week, returned with a little gift.

believe me, when i say it touched me right to the core. no doubt, it's a small token but it just showed that this colleague, a houseman, has put himself in my shoes - no surgical procedure comes without risks.

i've mentioned to other colleagues that we all in private practice ought to have our own medical insurance. no doubt the hospital provide an allowance as benefit-in-kind & we don't charge fees on each other, but i don't think it's fair to carry major surgery & see out a stormy recovery in the ICU, & not be adequately remunerated for the hard labour.

and, it's not that the insurance premiums are beyond our means.

it's all about giving & taking.

the staunch Man U supporter

i was teaching my son some general knowledge stuff this evening when he asked how come i knew so much. so i told him i had to read a lot from young to accumulate all these knowledge.

i encouraged him to read, too, and in a moment of personal triumph, i asked him if he wished he had a brain like mine.

he replied: maybe so, but i wished you were a Man U supporter instead!

sure-fire weight loss program (for guys)

someone sent this to me & it's too good not to share.....

A guy calls the company and orders their 5 day - 5kg weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and standing before him a voluptuous, athletic, 21 year old babe dressed in nothing but a G-string and a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.' Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kgs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5day - 10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and standing before him is the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes , a G-string and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me, you ca...n have me'. Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and despite his best efforts, but with no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better shape. Much to his delight, on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kgs, as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order their 7 day - 25kg program. 'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone.. 'This is our most rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.' The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes, a G-String and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.' He lost 31kgs that week.

thanks, YO, but i'll settle for just the 5kg program.

the beginning of the end

no, this is not about the incumbent's political future nor berating the country's mounting debt .

on the contrary, this is about the 1st day of school.

for some, it's the beginning of a long journey at primary 1. for most, it's just the start of another school year.

for my daughter, it's the beginning of her final year of a brief sojourn in the Little Red Dot. although the early years were trying, i guess eventually, it's a matter of getting used to the military-like regimented training schooling. i still remember the tears & angst of a teenager. some have actually given up & returned to the homeland.

but i've always upheld perseverance & hoped some part of this belief in oneself has rubbed off unto her.

so, i lauded her in an sms & this was her response....

is it just me, or was she being cynical?

monday blues

i dread mondays......

because i'm a weekend sort of guy.....

you know, lounge around.....stagnate......stay off work.....

so, for me, even the day after a midweek public holiday feels like a full-blown monday.

like today.

:(

too much coffee

you know you've had too much coffee when............

you wake up......

jump out of bed......

& get ready for a new day........

then you look at the clock & it's only 3.30am.

yesterday, when i sent in the car for the regular service, i had a cup of white coffee from the dispenser. pretty good coffee, i'd say.

then when i collected the car in the evening, i had another cup of the same.

and in between, i've also had my usual 2 cups at work.

so, to recap, coffee is good because it:
reduces the risk of Parkinsonism, cardiovascular disease, colonic cancer & gallstones.

but coffee is bad because it is:
associated with osteoporosis, reduced fertility in women & poor sleep patterns.

unlike smoking which has no good outcomes, coffee has both good & not-so-good effects. in such a case, i would, and should, practise moderation.

so, here's good health to all in the new year & beyond!

**source**

the future

we have no fear for the future unless we forget how God had led us in the past!

so, 2013.....

bring it on!

“This is what the LORD says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”        Isaiah 43:16, 18-19 NIV

penang in december

it wouldn't be penang if long queues weren't seen at the 2 penang road cendol stalls....

or, the roads weren't constantly clogged with traffic.......

or, if the food courts weren't packed amidst live stage entertainment....

and, it also wouldn't be the north-south expressway if an error of judgment on the part of a single motorist didn't cause a 10km crawl...

talk about getting away from the crowd......!!

big brother

received this on my handphone today...

let's not get started on whether they have fulfilled their promises. i can imagine how they got my number (arm-twist the telco?) but it baffled me why i was chosen to receive this message while my colleagues or friends did not?

did they know our voting preferences?

is big brother watching?

end of the world?

folks, it's Dec 21, 2012.....


something is going to happen today...... 


the birds will stop SINGING......  
 

the skies will turn BLACK......
 

the sun will disappear DISAPPEAR ......... 




it is called NIGHT TIME.



gotcha!!

i thought i was scammed....

tried to pump petrol using credit card today. the 1st two attempts did not go through, so i thought that the card payment device at that pump was faulty. drove to another pump (same station) & this time the payment went through.

shortly after that, i received this sms.....

i was shocked since i only pumped rm30 worth of petrol. thoughts of how unscrupulous people were waiting around that pump that was rigged & preying on ignorant innocent victims like me filled my mind. i could almost hear their evil laughter as they filled petrol into their motorbikes with impunity.

i immediately called up the bank to report the misuse of the card.

however, i was relieved to be told that it's standard procedure to bill an arbitrary sum for transactions that did not go through. i'm not sure why it's done this way, but just glad that i was not penalised for being careless. i was told to call again in a few days to check the actual amount billed.

i think next time, i should press the "cancel" button at the pump when the transaction is unsuccessful, just in case.

phew!

hercule poirot & dr obnoxious

somewhere along the trail of doctor-hopping, you'd have met dr obnoxious - the one grumpty, arrogant & condescending i'm-the-wise-doctor-you're-the-lowly-patient type.

have no fear. i have colleagues like that, too. the other day, someone threw one of dr obnoxious's personal belongings into the rubbish bin. needless to say, he was all worked up & started pointing fingers & making accusations. of course, without evidence, no one took him seriously.

another colleague joked privately that we'll need someone like hercule poirot, the famed detective from agatha christie's imagination to find the culprit. i remember watching Murder on the Orient Express in my student's days, & i won't be surprised if there were (at least)12 sets of finger prints on the discarded item.

such is the "popularity" of dr obnoxious.

new zealand in 7 days

my friend B8's wife, E, is all fired up to vacation in new zealand after the other wives came back with stories of the paradise on earth.

since we've not been to the south island, she asked us if we'd like to go with them next year. i thought it was a good idea, considering that taking turns to drive is probably the way to go if one plans to traverse the wide expanse of land & mountains.

but B8 wants to take only 7 days off, E confessed. you see, B8 is a busy physician in  private practice plus he's also a workaholic. so, i told her if we spend 2 days for the return flight & another to recover from the jet-lag, we'd only have 4 full days for the vacation.

it was a laughable plan, i thought. i told her, as a matter-of-factly, that it's really no point going for less than 12 days.

well, what goes around, comes around & i had my comeuppance yesterday - i did my own NZ in 7 days.

that's the same as spending ONLY 45 mins at the Big Bad Wolf sale. maybe worse.

but let me defend myself. between shuttling between PJ, Puchong & Damansara to run errands, & i'm not exactly familiar with klang valley, i only had about an hour & a half for the book sale. after looking for a parking space (saturday afternoon, mind you!!) & looking for the place (the big banner at Mines 2 was most deceiving!!), that's all the time i had before the next errand.

and again, in my defence, i only targetted the books i had in mind. they didn't have jeffrey archer's 11th commandment & michael g gill's starbucks saved my life, so my only haul was this....

can you believe me? the biggest book sale is in town & i only want 3 books!!!

1-generation

the generation gap is often blamed for the many arguments that arose between parents & their grown-up children. not only is the age difference telling, sometimes it's also the constrast in educational background & life experiences.

my daughter & i have our fair share of angst & aggravation between us. recently, i realised that, in the right circumstances, this difference in age & everything else can just melt away....

she bought me a novel at a sale, 3 weeks before my birthday. unknowingly, i bought the same book , the hard-cover version, shortly after at the discount section of a book-store. 2 events revealed how truly she is after my own heart - she knows exactly the book i want & she knows i like purchasing during sales.

goes without saying that i'm keeping both copies.

we watched the Jersey Boys two weekends ago - it was her idea actually & i'm a bit surprised because i thought Frankie Valli was a bit before her time. as we sang along, clapped hands & tapped our feet, the generation gap disappeared for those fleeting moments.

we were 1-generation & i look forward to doing that again.

flesh & blood

the front cover of a recent copy of MMA News says it all....

i know there's a myth going around that doctors sometimes play god, making & taking life-changing decisions for their patients. as i ponder upon this, i realise it's often not of the doctors' own doing. they provide their patients with various treatment options & commonly, in a moment of duress & uncertainty about their own conditions, the patients ask their doctors to do what they think is best. when the outcome is not what they expected or desired, accusations that doctors are playing god abound.

doctors bleed & they hurt, too. 2 of my colleagues have been delibitated - one with parkinsonism & the other with a brain tumour.

the recent case of the health ministry DG who was found guilty in a syariah court is another case in point. doctors are not immune to the lure of the flesh, in as much as they are vulnerable to greed.

george bernard shaw drove the point home when he wrote:

Make it compulsory for a doctor using a brass plate to have inscribed on it; in addition to the letters indicating his qualifications, the words "Remember that I too am mortal."

shift work

factories use shift work if they have to operate for extended hours. it works well only if the jobs are repetitive from one shift to another.

hospitals operate 24 hours a day & nurses go on shifts as well. however, the work here is not repetitive, so this system will not be as successful as in factories.

so, if a nurse fails to do a task in the morning, the probability is high that the afternoon shift nurse will overlook the task, & even if she discovers the shortfall, she may choose to disregard it, esp. if the pervading attitude is lackadaisical.

that's why i just gave the afternoon shift nurse a mouthful, because the patient's condition is critical & any shortcoming can be lethal.

now, imagine, the 1st line doctors in public hospitals, the housemen, are working shifts. if you extrapolate what happens in nursing, you can imagine the consequences.

shift work for doctors is stupid a regressive step, back to the dark ages.

ok, i confess, i don't know what it's really like in the dark ages but you get my drift.

a day in december in s'pore

they know how to celebrate christmas in style...

yet remain civic-minded...

self-proclaimed best laksa.....

 

A-level students unequivocally declare freedom at conclusion of exams.......

Frankie Valli & 4 Seasons sing-alikes are performing on stage...

guess who else is in town?

what's important to me is that the daughter is coming home....

why you must tell your doctor everything.

53-yr-old man due for minor hand surgery. smokes but denied any known medical problem. a manual worker in the plantatiuon.

a routine pre-operative ECG showed that he had a recent myocardial infarct, aka heart attack. when asked in detail if he had any chest pain recently, he thought for awhile & said he did have a gastric-like pain 2 weeks ago & was a bit breathless at that time. however, he felt better after that without seeing a doctor.

as we all know, a myocardial infarct sometimes presents with atypical symptoms (read here) which are often ignored. for doctors, these should trigger off the alarm bells.

a blood test confirmed the recent infarct. he was informed of his condition & advised that the surgery should be postponed till the cardiologist checked him up. he subsequently had an angiogram which showed that 3 arteries in his heart were significantly blocked. he is scheduled for cardiac bypass surgery in a few week's time.

if he had undergone the hand surgery, there's a 1-in-3 chance that he will have another heart attack, in which case, there is a 50% chance he will succumb to it. which means that, if we had proceeded with surgery, there's a 1-in-6 chance, ie. 16%, that he will die on the operating table.

grim statistics but a solemn reminder of our mortality.

so the next time your doctor asks you if you have any medical problems, think carefully before you answer.

it could well save your life!

peacemaker

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. matt 5:9

this may sound like the beginning of a sunday sermon but it's not. it's a confession actually.

today, i made peace with my mother.

happy birthday, mum!
 
"and i realised when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know." mitch albom in For One More Day

is ignorance bliss?

life is like owning  a car.

when you send your car for servicing at the authorised dealer, you usually assure yourself that the mechanics would do a good job & the parts changed are original ones. as long as the car runs like clockwork, you usually don't care too much about the bill.

consider this hypothetical situation.

a man injures himself badly & seeks medical attention. he goes to the emergency department, expecting to be seen by an experienced doctor who will examine & manage him appropriately. he would then be sent to the ward for further treatment & recuperation, or to the OT to have his injuries operated upon.

does it boggle the mind that his injuries are so severe because he is given less adequate treatment & because his condition is not stabilised at the emergency department, when he is sent to the OT, he is more dead than alive??

like i said, life is like owning the car. when you refrain from patronising the road-side workshops & choose to pay top dollar for the service at the authorised dealer, you don't expect your car to breakdown a day after the service. as long as it runs, you're contented.

sometimes, it's better not to know what transpires within the confines of the workshop.

or the emergency department.

ignorance is bliss.

P/S. in the same vein, you really don't want to see what's going on in the kitchen of your favourite restaurant.

coming out of the closet

no, it's definitely not what you think it is.

i meant, what if you've been writing/commenting/blogging anonymously all this time, and then you decide that, for some inexplicable reason, you're going to reveal yourself to someone?

and, oh yeah, there are pictures to go with the disclosure.

the response from the other party was an emphatic :

Omai! Omai! This is so spine-tingling!!

yeah, just like a spy thriller movie.....and the opening scene unfurled today.


PS. hmm....maybe it is really what you think it is. after all, when you come out of the closet, people see you for what you really are (warts & all usually come to the fore) & what your deviant unusual inclinations & queer orientations are. and, hopefully, in a civil society such as ours, you are still accepted for what you truly are.

the waiting game

8.30am - scheduled time of surgery.

it's now 8.45am.

patient on the operating table.......anaesthetist ready to start......surgeon waiting in earnest.....

and, nurses just started preparing her instruments.

time of actual start of surgery - 8.55am.

it's days like this (& there are many of late) that makes me dread coming to work.

i suppose it could be worse - i could be dealing with a govt dept.

home alone

about twice a year i get to be home alone for the weekend when the wife brings the kids to the hometown.

i'm ok with it - not that i don't miss them (i do!) but i've got stuffs that keep me occupied.

for a start, i work.

i've also got a whole weekend of football on astro plus i've just started reading Life of Pi again. actually, i commenced reading last year but somehow after about 10 chapters, the unfolding of the growing years of the protagonist got a tad boring & i stopped. now that the movie version of this Man Booker prize winner is to be released next year, i thought i'd pick the book up again.

oh yes, i bought it last year at a book fair because the hard-cover sold at less than half price. much as i enjoy reading, i usually purchase when the books are really on sale.

like today. i dropped by the local bookstore & this just jumped at me from the discount counter. the yellow tag was a dead giveaway....

 

it's 2 years from its 1st release but where can you get a current hard-cover by a best-selling author for rm9.90 these days?

yeah, the wife & kids would be home before i know it!

football = sex?

you must have seen it on the sports channel, or at least, your football-mad colleagues would have been ranting over it at the office.

yes, i'm referring to zlatan ibrahimovic's outrageous overhead kick against england in a friendly in sweden this week.

as i was talking about it with some friends at work, this nurse, still single but in a relationship & who obviously had witnessed the wonder goal, injected : yeah, fantastic shot - as good as any orgasm i've had!

hmm, such vivid imagination!

not sure if she was exaggerating - but it was fabulous. it would be right up there with those scored by messi or ronaldo. a definite contender for goal of the year. decade even.

and yeah, i'll be thinking of the goal if i ever meet with the boyfriend.

time bomb in a bun

yesterday i learned of  the existence of a word that has been named "word of the year" by oxford dictionary, although it's the American Dialect Society that started this award in 1991. previous awards have gone to words like 9-11, subprime & tweet. anyway, this year the winner is.......

omnishambles.

what?? (read here)

i doubt i'd be using it any time soon in my everyday conversation, unless i'm in deep discussion over some political or financial issues. however, it seems the americans, dissatisfied with the choice, thought selecting this year's U.K. Word of the Year was obviously total omnishambles.

never mind which word deserved the accolade, as inconsequential as it may be, but i did learn a phrase that would definitely make a difference in my life (& hopefully everyone else's too).....

a time bomb in a bun.

it's used to describe fastfood breakfast sandwiches (read here) & there's plenty to choose from, going by media adverts. currently, one promotion on TV guarantees nothing can go wrong in your day if you start off with their breakfast menu. ha ha, very effective but nothing could be further from the truth.

surprisingly, that's not the worst breakfast you can have. apparently, from the same report, NOT having breakfast is even worse for your health. i think that's probably true - my friends who fast during ramadhan swear they put on even more weight during that time than any other month of the year..

someone once advised me, long before i entered med school, regarding diet - have a king's breakfast, queen's lunch & a pauper's dinner. the rational is that you need a good proper meal to start the morning, & as the day winds down, the activities get less strenuous, you require less food.

i'll mull on that later but if you'll excuse me, i'll need to go for a late breakfast now....

an offer you can't refuse

reminiscent of a godfather movie, my colleagues say it's an offer you can't refuse.....

a brand new C180 at rm212,888. i assume they meant a mercs has never been cheaper more affordable. if that's true, car aficionados must be drooling all over at that offer.

for me, i didn't bat an eye-lid but i did wonder if this is one occasion where one buys something one doesn't really need, with money one do not have, to impress people that one don't even like??

26

this is the time of the year when parents of school-going children rejoice or grieve.

the year-end exams should have been announced. high-scoring students will win prizes for their achievements while those lagging far behind will get scoldings from their parents demoted to a lower class.

and tiger mums* would not exist if not for schools.

the reason we put the boy thru a mandarin-medium school is solely for him to learn his mother-tongue language; anything else useful that he picks up would be an added bonus. but because both the missus & i aren't native mandarin-speakers, we could not help him much in developing this language skill. even though he has tuition for this, we did not expect he would excel by way of exam results.

this year, he attained 26th position in a class of 39, a slight improvement over last year & he will remain in the same class for next year.

thru my (biased?) eyes, he has excelled.

he can speak & write mandarin far beyond our expectations, but what we find most encouraging is that he delights in going to school. as long as he enjoys school & doesn't run foul of the teachers, i think 26th or any other position, mucht like our age, is just a number.

*to be grammatically correct, shouldn't they be called tigress mums?

another reunion

besides the lunar new year reunion with the family, i have 2 other reunions which are both not held annually. one is with the 6th-formers which is held every 4 years on the same weekend as the football world cup final (read here); the other, with the varsity mates.

yesterday, we had varsity reunion 3.0 in KL.

35 turned up. most are from klang valley with 2 from penang & 1 from kota kinabalu.

we caught up on old times - shared jokes, traded barbs & revealed secrets long buried in the past. there were a few mates i've not met since graduation!

i learned 2 things :

(1) from personal accounts, UM med grads tend to tell it as it is, & non-alumni don't like that. most think we were over-meticulous & overbearing, sometimes bordering on arrogance. but that was the environment we were nurtured in, instilled by the icons of medical academia of old, to strive for perfection excellence. looking back, we were glad we went thru that because they pushed us to be the best we can be.

(2) one of my mates revealed he has found peace in, and with, himself. he's a paediatrician in private practice who's running an orphanage in addition to his clinic. this commitment runs from 9am till 12mn everyday - strenuous but it's something he enjoys doing, charging those who could afford & helping out & providing shelter to the disadvantaged.

in my opinion, that's a noble intention we all should aspire to. the wise man once said:
So I perceived that nothing is better than that a man should rejoice in his own works, for that is his heritage. (Eccles 3:22, NKJV)

the black cat

many years ago during an inter-school debate, i heard one student taunt his opponent : my esteemed friend over there is confused, like he's in a dark room, looking for a black cat (pause) which isn't there.

looking back, it was a cynical comment & it sounded authoritative yet lacked substance. it's one of those phrases you bandied about just to impress the judges. much like a pick-up line.

a semblance of that statement was taught in med school. searching for a cause of an intra-abdominal infection can be difficult, hence "pus somewhere, pus nowhere, pus under the diaphragm." it just means that if you suspect pus in the abdomen, but you can't seem to find it, try looking under the diaphragm.

and no, i didn't learn any pick-up lines in the lecture halls either, but i digress.

so today, a 30yr-old lady presented with a lump in the groin. a biopsy of the tissue had been done & the lab reported it as metastatic cancer, which means this swelling in the groin (aka secondary tumour) is a result of the spread of a primary tumour.

this lady had been subjected to a battery of investigations to locate the offending growth - tests like gastroscopy, colonoscopy, ultrasound, CT scan, MRI & even a PET scan. but zilch! it's nowhere to be found. i can emphatise with her - it's an unnerving feeling that you know something sinister is growing in you & yet it remained elusive.

like the black cat.

running out of places to scan, & as if to grasp at straws, we did a scraping of the uterus & cervix today. just in case, because already we're at wit's end.

let's hope it's truly darkest before the dawn.

sold out?

some say it's a sell-out when George Lucas pushed off Lucasfilm, which includes the Star Wars & Indiana Jones franchises, to Disney for USD4b. Disney then announced that Episode VII would be released in 2015.

i think i'm ok with that...

....as long as mickey, minnie or goofy don't make cameo appearances.

can america take this and superstorm sandy at the same time??

**image from yahoo news**

neither rich nor poor

i presume that's where most of us are in the grand scheme of things, although wealth & poverty are relatively subjective measures.

i'm thinking of the few punters who were reported recently to have hit jackpots of millions of ringgit.

i'm also thinking of a few friends of mine who had made on-the-spot property investment decisions, hitting that narrow window of opportunity, that had paid off handsomely.

the quickest decision i've ever made investing in a property was buying the house i'm currently staying. we went to the developer's office, glanced thru the plans, grimmaced at the price & paid the booking fee, all within 20mins of entering the office. that's only because we've been renting for 2 years & we thought that if we're staying on, we might as well get our own house.

all other investment decisions would take up days of mulling & deliberating. most instances, the circumstances have changed by the time we made a decsion.

time is money, right?

enter the genneva gold investment scheme.

a close friend had quit his day job to join genneva as a sales consultant. he had invited me to several of their investment talks, of which i have only attended one. however, i was quite sceptical of their business model because it was multi-level ponzi-like scheme. if i were to take that risk, it was only because of my dear friend's genuine persuasion. it was during this prolonged period of considering & re-considering, & weighing the pros & cons that bank negara raided the company.

that made the decision for me, & arguably for many other potential investors. indeed, time is money but probably not many envisaged money can be lost this way, too.

so, there i remain, right smack in the middle of the grand scheme of things, being neither rich nor poor.

for most of us, that's probably the safest place to be.

 But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
1 Tim 6: 6-10

channeling excesses

much has been read, written, argued, debated & deliberated on the issue of the infamous sex blog by a couple of  malaysian students in singapore. so much vigour, passion, creativity & free spirit - all  exhibited in a manner that earned outbursts & disdain  from the general public.

nobody knows why they didn't channel their energy positively. doesn't have to be a discovery that changes the world or breaking of a sports record - even something as mundane as swimming across the english channel (pun unintended) would have sort of made the nation proud.

or, like PSY, a singer/songwriter/dancer relatively unknown outside of his native south korea & who wrote a song out of nowhere & choreographed a dance that took the world by storm. admittedly, he may have displaced UN sec-gen ban ki-moon as the south korean with the most world-wide appeal.

imagine what a malaysian can achive on a UN platform?

*image from reuters*

nurses.....same old, same old.

the other day, i instructed the nurse at the operation theatre reception counter to get the elderly patient from the surgical ward down to OT & to bring along the relatives. i needed to explain the risks of the procedure to both the patient & his family.

after 45 mins, the patient was still not in OT.

me: nurse, where is the patient from the surgical ward?

nurse: he's not down yet. (duh....!)

me: what's the delay?

nurse: doctor, you said to bring the family along. the family is still on the way from home to the hospital. so, we're waiting for them to come before transferring the patient down.

me :  %$#&!@*!!

seriously, i can't fault her as she's following my instruction to the letter. but i would think that if the family is not yet in hospital, surely the patient can be moved to OT 1st while waiting for their arrival. no?

the procedure was delayed by over an hour. the nurse won't be getting the employee of the month award & neither will i be remembered as the doctor with the coolest temperament!

the only consolation was that the risky operation proceeded uneventfully.

the storm

it's been brewing for some time now.

no, it's not because the daughter is bringing home 2 singaporean college friends in december. in fact, we're happy to host fellow students who may forge lasting friendships beyond the school years.

no, it's not because one of them is a guy as we're not averse to gender differences.

it's because they've set their own agenda already.

they expect the daughter to drive them around town. that's ok but they want to go drinking & stay out till midnite. they also want to go to KL on a day trip.

i'm not sure what "drinks" are implied here but i'll assume (for now) they meant teh tarik at the mamak stalls. but staying out till midnite is a definite non-starter for a bunch of 18-year-olds on my watch. don't they know this is malaysia, where their former prime minister once declared is notorious for car-jackings & robberies? under my roof, there are ground rules to be followed, whether they (daughter included) like it or not. the friends probably thought this trip is a breakaway from their strict parents, or maybe their parents have been very liberal with them, but i was brought up in a conservative family & i intend to instill these same values in my kids, with some leeway. if it ain't broke, why fix it? when they've finally flown the nest, then how they lead their lives is their own responsibility, although as parents, we never completely let go.

at the end of it all, hope it's just a storm in a teacup.

great white

last nite, as i made my last round in the ICU, one of the nurses asked me if i could help insert an intravenous cannula for a patient who was not under my care. she had tried but failed in several attempts. as i checked on the patient's arms, there were several puncture wounds on both hands, evidence of the many unsuccessful attempts. even the patient looked fed-up & asked if the procedure could be deferred. being in ICU meant one was critically ill & hence an intravenous cannula was indispensable for the administration of essential medication.

after i managed to insert one, the patient asked sheepishly if i was going to charge him a fee for it. i returned an equally sheepish smile.

i know the public is generally wary of doctors in private practice with regards to the perceived exorbitant fees that they charge. i admit there are some black sheep in the profession. indeed, there's even a private hospital in ipoh infamously dubbed the great white shark.

so i wonder if the sheepish smile i gave the patient looked anything like this....

**shiver**

money talks

for sales people, anyone could be a potential customer, more so if they think you are a big spender. i know marketing is a tough job & sometimes i sympathise with those sales people outsourced by banks to promote the latter's credit cards. that's why i have ended up with more credit cards than i really need. but i suppose it's a win-win situation - they receive their commission after i sign up & i get the sale gimmick gifts, eg. remote-controlled toy car, thermos flask, umbrella, shoe bag & the list is endless.

last week, i decided to cancel one such card after a year because the govt tax of rm50 was due. so i called up the credit card hotline to express my intention. the guy said i'd get a call from the bank in a few days to confirm the cancellation. in the mean time, i proceeded to cut up the said card & disposed off the mutilated pieces.

yesterday, a lady from the bank called & politely asked the reason for my cancellation.

me : i already have more cards than i need - all out of sympathy for the sales guys at the shopping mall.

she: sir, how about we renew your card free of annual fee & govt tax plus we'll throw in rm50 spending credit?

me : you'd do all that for me?

she : sure, because you're one of our special customers. (i've only spent about rm200 on the card the whole year - ha!)

me : but i'm already a special customer of 3 other banks!

she : it's ok lah, just keep the card at no charge - who knows when you may need it.

me : but my wallet now has more cards than money already!

she : sir, get a bigger wallet lah!

me : but i've actually cut up your card already.

she : no problem, sir, we'll send you a new one next week, again free of charge.

see what i mean - money talks & she must have sniffed blood. when you want a loan from the banks, they'll ask for an arm & a leg as collateral, but when they want you to spend with their credit card, they'll promise you heaven & earth.

that said, i politely turned down the near irresistible proposition & cancelled the call ....before she made the offer impossible to refuse!

quote unquote

people (politicians don't fall into this category!!) generally don't like to be quoted for fear that they may be misinterpreted or misunderstood. when that happens to politicians, they famously stress that they have been quoted out of context.

my blog friend Yan asked me recently if she could quote me in an article she's writing for the borneo post (read here), to which i gleefully  enthusiastically  bashfully agreed.

suddenly, for a brief moment, i felt like a celebrity, being pursued by journalists & hounded by paparazzis, & much sought after for opinions that may change the world. a mover & a shaker, so to speak.

thanks, Yan, for my 2-second worth of fame.

the grass is greener (aka going private)

my friend is a specialist in govt service & will go private next year. i suppose he will feel some trepidation because of the stiff competition he will face. on top of that, there's the premise rental, staff salaries & equipment costs to consider.

still, he is adamant he wants to leave. besides a better pay, he feels he will not get the promotion he wants in the current department. so, it's both push & pull factors.

from my viewpoint, i feel the govt specialists are getting a great deal, as least compared to my time. getting rm15k now is the norm, & more if you do some private work as well. on top of that, you get to go for upgrading courses & meetings, plus annual/conference/study/compassionate/paternal/maternity leave. for obvious reasons, the women specialists tend to remain in govt service.

sometimes, i look back & i wonder what if.....

isn't it true the grass always seemed to look greener on the other side?

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 1Tim 6:6,7

no bets

doctors shouldn't bet, because by nature, we're supposed to be averse to taking risks, whether calculated or not.

i was on-call the other day when my obstetric colleague asked me to do a procedure on his patient. he said he'd bet that the patient would scream her head off during the procedure; otherwise, he'll buy me a beer, not that i'm the drinking type.

to his & my surprise, she didn't even let out a whimper.

so today, after a hard day at the hospital, i'm having beer after dinner.

& someone else wants a piece of the action as well!

cheers!

like i said, doctors shouldn't bet.

framed

why would anyone use someone else's name to commit a misdeed?

the nurse used my name to falsely obtain psychotropic drugs, examples of which include pain-killers like morphine & sedatives like valium, from the locked cabinet. apparently he's (yeah, he's a male nurse) been doing it for some months before someone snitched on him.

today, the guys from the pharmacy division of the health ministry came around to conduct its enquiry. because my name was used to perpetrate the theft, i was asked to give a statement which went on for a few pages. and yeah, these guys can't string a sentence in proper english.

but this is not the 1st time i've encountered this problem. psychotropic drugs are widely prescibed in the emergency department as well as in the operation theatres. when i was a trainee in OT at a teaching hospital,  one of the lecturers was found unconscious & frothing at the mouth one evening. it was later found that he had multiple injection marks on his limbs. another trainee with a similar problem was asked to leave the postgrad course.

this is not just a local issue. when i was in UK, a fellow trainee as well as a specialist were found to be drug-dependent. however, instead of being punished, they were sent for counselling 1st, after which, the trainee ended up in general practice while the specialist went into early retirement.

the male nurse has since left the hospital. at the very least, his nursing licence would be revoked. but he is only in his 20s & he is street-smart, which will likely see him thru. after all, he often lamented that he has been left largely to his devices in his growing years while both his parents had been busy working.

brainstormer

come on, take a guess!